im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
