Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
