i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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