I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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