She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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