No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
