Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
