sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
