i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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