Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
