he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
