i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
