Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
