My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
