R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
