Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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