I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
