I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
