i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
