She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i have two assholes
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
