we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
