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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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