i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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