I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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