I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
