is your mom at the bar?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
