just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
