Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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