oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
