why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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