He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
