if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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