I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
