His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
