i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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