So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
