my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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