The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
