I'm eating all of the evidence.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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