FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
