We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
