how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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