I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
