I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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