Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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