U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
