I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
