If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
