how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
