just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
