i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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