Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
