I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
