dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
