Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
