i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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