my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This girl is more easily done than said...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
