Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
