If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
