And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
