She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
