please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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