dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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